Please ignore if you wish to avoid innanity.
So today I come home from work (which currently sucks and is a huge stress and strain) to Mr. PKB, who tells me that his sister sent the menu for Thanksgiving this year and there is one item on it I can eat: the rolls. We were planning on spending the day with his family because we’re with my family for Christmas this year, although we spent both holidays with his family last year. Anyway, I’ve been a vegetarian since 2005, and I’ve been with Mr. PKB since 2010. Me not eating meat=not news. Mr. PKB’s sister decided to order the food this year from a restaurant (I offered to cook, but she declined) and just...didn’t think about it, I guess. Not having food to eat at a big family meal on a holiday centered around food sucks. I cried when he showed me: even the green beans and potatoes have bacon. There’s a ham and turkey. And then there’s rolls.
Mr. PKB (through text) said, “It looks like there isn’t anything for PKB to eat”, and she said that I could bring my own food, because she already spent too much money on the rest of the meal. Eating a sad meal for one that is brought from home sucks. Just completely. I feel unwanted.
So in a moment of selfish impulse, I texted my own sister, who lives in town and is also a vegetarian. She told me asking if I could spend the holiday with her made her night, so I’m going to tell Mr. PKB’s sister that my sister asked me to be with her, considering the chaos our family’s been through this year. Given her response, I don’t think that’s actually a lie.
So part of me feels like a selfish asshole, but a bigger, more important part of me says that I deserve to be in a place where I feel wanted and can actually eat.
All this said, I’m lucky that I have food to eat, places to go, and options. I am very lucky. I’m also goddamn tired and sad and so fucking over the last six to eight months. I want a good thing to happen. That would be nice.