I try to stay away from that haterade. Sure, the sugar rush is fun- but it's empty calories, I hate myself after the crash, and I'm probably only drinking it because I can't afford champagne. But sometimes I can't help but bust out a case, like when I read a Salon essay on two people whose OKC date sounds like fodder for a future NYTimes wedding announcement.

Here's the basic rundown: boy meets girl online. boy asks girl to go on a travel experiment before they even meet. Soon after they meet, boy and girl book a spontaneous, no luggage(!) flight to Europe. Boy and girl hitch rides through Eastern Europe and take copious instagram filtered pictures of themselves in their only outfits, meeting a charming mine defuser in an old war-zone, a charming strawberry man, and learning charming and wacky things about their charming and wacky selves like how minimalist they are.

First of all, can I say that only white people could get away with a last minute luggage-less flight? Especially one out of George Bush airport. My ambiguously brown ass would be kidnapped by TSA and no one would see me again.

Secondly, being able to (not) pack up and go like that for 21 days? With less than a month's notice? Buying everything last minute/on the way? On a freelance writer's salary? Either Jeff is bankrolling this enterprise (with his professorship money), she was getting paid for this trip by some writing gig, or homegirl has some family money. And I'm kinda guessing Jeff does too. With his hipster-fedora- Mariachi-bowtie-wearin' ass.

Thirdly, ending your piece with something like this:

Materially speaking I was as empty-handed as the day we started, but I actually carried a great deal back home across the Atlantic. Traveling with no luggage and no plans was much more than a minimalist lesson in living well with less. It was an intense, in-your-face invitation to the unknown. There’s a truly magnificent side to the unknown, but we aren’t taught how to welcome it, let alone explore the breadth of its possibilities

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Is kinda...done to death. I'm not even going to go into the self-centeredness of using another peoples' lived experience as a filter through which you learn more about yourself, because that trope is so. damn. tired. Just let it sit down and die, already.

I'm probably just a bitter blue-collar. I'm probably just cranky because I'm up late and not feeling too well. You'll all probably call me out for making assumptions and unnecessary snarking, and you'll probably be right*. I went to college with people I could see doing this, and those people were insufferably trustafarian and twee.

But it doesn't change the fact that this is still probably the most privileged OKC date ever and I can't with it.

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This is why "white people" GIFs exist.

*which is why I kindly ask this not be mainpaged (not that it's even that well written)