So, when I'm not on anti-depressants, my depression looks like sadness. Lots of crying. But when I'm on an SSRI/SNRI, it looks like apathy. The crying stops, but I do not give a fuck, even about stuff that is crucial to survival, like doing my job and paying my bills. I find myself lying in bed, day after day, watching Netflix and checking out GT and thinking "meh, tomorrow." It's sort of horrifying.

My doctor just added wellbutrin to my lexapro as of Friday. She says that the wellbutrin is pretty effective at combating the apathy. But of course it hasn't kicked in yet. And I'm sitting here faced with THREE MONTHS worth of billing paperwork I need to do or I won't get paid. I am already getting paid late. And I didn't see any clients today because this morning I couldn't get out of bed. Now I have to force myself to do the paperwork and mail it tomorrow or I'm out of a job. And I still have part of me trying to say "just sleep, get up early and do it. Skip work again tomorrow."

Fuck depression. Fuck it so hard.