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Welcome To The Bitchery

Productive day, and some therapy stuff. (tw mental health talk)

I applied for three jobs and looked at two apartments, talked to the college about work-study jobs, checked on my financial aid, went for a walk, and ate some good food. Feels nice. I must remember that all it takes is consistent, successive days like this where I make small bits of headway. It will all add up and I'll eventually land where I want to be.

I also talked to a counselor while I was on campus, not the normal lady I've been seeing but a different staff member who's filling in before the full semester begins. I was feeling overwhelmed and scared after thinking through financial stuff related to getting an apartment, which triggered a bunch of my "I'm irresponsible" false beliefs, and I got kind of panicky and tearful. It's really easy for me to hold on to negative emotions for a long time, originating from hurts from months or years ago, and that on top of putting a ton of pressure on myself to be perfect and have everything tied up in a neat little bow...forget it. It puts me in a really bad place. So, she (the counselor) talked me through a simple letting go process and gave me some rocks to throw in the river (that I visualized as being all my self-inflicted perfectionism, guilt, and shame. It helped a lot. Reminded me to breathe and that I keep consciously choosing to pick up those bad feelings, and I can choose instead to not let them in.


Also, I played with green playdoh and that was pretty cool.

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