Did all of you guys know that Spirit Airlines exists solely to ruin all the days? Because I sure didn't.

That's why I'm writing this. I want to reach out to all of you who may one day need to fly but would like the cheapest fare possible. No matter what you see or hear, pass right on by Spirit Airlines. It may sound like everyone is having a party with that cheap airfare, but trust me - it's like that Twilight Zone episode "The Hunt," and Spirit Airlines is the guy at the first gate.

I wrote a few days ago about my flight from Atlanta to Dallas aboard Spirit. It was delayed seven hours. I don't know why. All I know is they didn't bother to tell anyone that the flight was going to be near midnight rather than the originally scheduled 5:37 p.m. They didn't even provide an attendant at the gate. One Spirit employee finally showed up about a half hour after the initial departure time. When we finally were able to board the plane, it was after midnight. When the attendant thanked us for our patience and said he hoped we would fly Spirit again, literally everyone laughed.

And now today for my return flight. I was to fly from Dallas to Ft. Lauderdale and connect to Atlanta. Well, shock of shocks, my flight to Ft. Lauderdale was delayed by nearly an hour. It was going to put me there five minutes before I needed to catch my connecting flight, which was actually on time. After much badgering of the gate attendant, who was actually there this time, I was finally informed that the plane from Ft. Lauderdale to Atlanta would definitely be on time and I would definitely miss it.

Of course, in between the start of the badgering and the granting of precious info, they had me run across the DFW airport - which is fucking huge - so that I could possibly catch another flight. That didn't work out. In fact, the attendants at that gate were from Delta, and they actually snickered when I mentioned that I had been sent over there by Spirit. Everyone at the airport has that reaction when you mention Spirit, except for Spirit employees, who are probably kept on some kind of ankle monitoring system that gives them an electric shock any time they step out of the company line.


I will say for the Spirit gate attendant, though, she did manage to get someone from Spirit to authorize her to book me on a direct Delta flight to Atlanta at 7 a.m. tomorrow, and they have put me up in a hotel for the night. Of course, they also gave me meal vouchers that no one seems to want to accept, but whatever.

Even though she was able to do that for me, I still found myself being ugly to her. It's not her fault, although as a gate attendant she is the face of this horrific joke of an airline. And I was so angry and so frustrated that I said a few things that have now left me feeling like kind of a shitty person. I was rude to her. This whole experience with Spirit has turned me into a temporary jerk, and I don't like it. I generally do try to be nice to customer service personnel because, like I said, it's not their fault their company is the official airline of Hell. With the economy the way it is, I don't fault them for staying with the job for now. But really, I just can't. I was so frustrated that all decorum went out the window, and I just can't.

Look, I guess what you should get out of this is if anyone suggests that you ever fly Spirit airlines, think about the price. Not the fare, the price. You may save a couple hundred dollars, which is something, but there's a good chance you will also be turned into a seething hulk who doesn't get to their destination anywhere close to on time. You'll also lose lots of money to the airport bar, not to mention all the extra fees Spirit tacks on that completely obliterate the $200 savings. (That is another post all together.)


Did I mention that there were several other dissatisfied Spirit customers at the hotel with me? That, too, is an entirely different post.

I can't even think of a truly appropriate gif for this one. I have a great one of the brothers Winchester laughing. Yeah. This is how I'll react next time I'm presented with the option to fly Spirit.