Yous guys, I got so inspired by this PUA blog post about how women over 25 are not worthy of these oh-so-eligible bachelors' hands in marriage that I wrote them this BEAUTIFUL POEM!

The poem doesn't make much sense unless you at least skim through the original blog post.

Read the original blog post and the other comments at your own risk of elevated blood pressure.

TRIGGER WARNING: References to self-mutilation and human excrement below.

PHOTO SOURCE: The Oatmeal

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nycyclistmp

August 8, 2013 at 1:47 pm


If you marry the man who wrote this blog post or any of the men who read it and agree with it…

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you are slitting your wrists, calling 911, getting sewn up, then going home, slitting them again, calling 911…

you are dousing your head in lighter fluid and striking a match…

you are eating shit for every meal, vomiting up that shit, then eating it again…

^related, you are drinking that expired milk that you paid double for, vomiting it up, then drinking it again…

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you are taking a bath in hydrochloric acid…

you are letting the train run over your foot…just your foot, though…you don’t want to put yourself out of your misery, do you?

you are walking into an iron maiden and asking someone to shut it…slowly…

you are putting your hand down the garbage disposal and turning it on…

you are putting your other hand into an industrial bagel slicer…

you are sticking a fork in an electric socket…

you are sticking your head in a toilet full of diarrhea, piss, shit, and vomit and swirling it around…

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That foot that didn’t get run over by the train? You are asking someone to saw it off for you with no anesthesia (you’d do it yourself, but you’ve already maimed both your hands)…

you hear that someone discovered a way to induce ALS in previously-healthy individuals – if you marry the man who wrote this blog post or any of the men who read it and agree with it, you are first in line to sign up for a chance to slowly die of this horrible disease…