Long time, no see/chat! Last time I posted at the end of March, I was going in for an evaluation to do a day program for eating disorder treatment. Annnnnd....yeah. That resulted in, oh actually you need to be in inpatient treatment.
So, hence me being MIA for a few months. I’ve made some progress, but I’m currently taking a bit of a hiatus from treatment. I got stepped down to the partial hospitalization program for a few weeks, but they said I wasn’t making enough progress or maintaining my weight there and needed to step back up to the residential program (which isn’t as bad as inpatient, but still), but I just could not mentally handle being at that level again - at least for a while.
The sucky thing is that my outpatient treatment team is refusing to see me if I’m not in residential, so now I’m literally hanging here with zero support. So just a little bit scary, but I feel like I need a break from the eating disorder treatment. The frustrating part for me is that without it, my PTSD symptoms have become so much more prominent and overwhelming and I’ve been practically begging for help with that (I want to start EMDR) but no one is willing to start with me unless my eating disorder is more under control....but I can’t seem to get there because I can’t manage my PTSD, which I can’t manage because of my eating. It’s a completely shitty cycle and I’m just feeling more and more frustrated and stuck, so I’m hoping taking a step back will at least allow me to recoup from being so exhausted in every respect that I feel like I can start taking this challenge on again. Right now I just can’t. And summer is my favorite season, so I feel like it’s probably the best/safest time to do this.
Anyway, enough of my whinging and pity party - I’d love to hear how you all are doing! I miss you!