Hey you guys! I'm sure you were as delighted by this guy as all the rest of humanity. In case you forgot, here's his awesome bullshit, as transcribed by the lovely ParanoidShiksaFeminist, who actually found this masterpiece along her way somewhere in the outside world where we never go because INTERNET.

Whether you're hoping to bag a has-been (word I can't read) like T.I.'s "Tiny", some young trim jailbait (???) like Rihanna, or perhaps the daughter of some old skool ho, like say Adina Howard. Uncle Ralph teaches you the ins and outs of hitting that bitch's Video Music Box just right. Call 212.555.6900 and talk to Ralph about scheduling your first (???). Offer is not valid for the Queen Mrs. Mary J. Blige.

CANALSTREETCOUNTERFEIT.COM

Well, I thought I would reach out to him, because just as luck may have it, I am in dire need of some R&B bitches! Sadly, I don't think the conversation went my way:

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Such a bummer, man. Nobody ever wants to help me with my blood summoning.