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Ramblings: I hate "Love yourself"

How on earth do you love yourself? What does love for yourself feel like? It doesn't feel like romantic love. It doesn't feel like your parent's love, or the love you have for friends, or the love you have for your pets. Or the love you have for your children (I assume...I don't have them.) There is no way to know what loving yourself feels like. There's just a series of decisions that you make. Do I do this thing that makes me feel like crap, or this other thing that also makes me feel like crap, but might be better for me in the long run? Door number one or two? Both suck and both are scary. One is familiar and one is new. You know you can't keep doing the same old stuff, because that definitely isn't loving yourself. But the new thing…that doesn't feel like love either. It feels like taking a leap off the high dive. Have you done that? Hitting the water from 20 feet up hurts like a motherfucker. It takes your breath away. You hope to god you reach the surface after you touch bottom.

Why is it so hard to know what love for yourself feels like? Why is it so easy to say "I love my boyfriend. I love my friend. I love my cat. I love my mom." I know what those loves feel like. But if you say "I love myself" it rings hollow. Loving yourself doesn't feel good. Loving yourself is a constant series of choices between the shitty known and the ambiguous unknown. How can that ever feel good or right? All it does is leave you feeling unbalanced, looking over the edge and hoping the bridge will hold.


There is no "love yourself." There's only "Try to be ok with what you're doing right now. Maybe don't be so hard on yourself. Try trusting yourself a little bit." Maybe that's what loving yourself looks like.

TL/DR: Fuck Oprah.

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