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Welcome To The Bitchery

Random Movie Thoughts

- Star Trek Beyond was pretty good.

- John Cho really should be in more things.

- Why didn’t The Monster Squad ever get a sequel?

- I predict Orlando Bloom will play Capt. Jack Sparrow in the 2029 reboot of Pirates of the Caribbean. Keira Knightley will cameo as some decrepit, evil, seahag b/c she’ll be 44 by then. Depp will pop up in the sequel for fan service and quickly die an irrefutable death (one and done, baby!) while literally cashing a $90 million check on camera.


- I want a movie where Glenn Close and Meryl Streep square off as dueling Russian and American spies/assassins in the waning days of the Cold War. The sequel is set in the mid-90s where they — surprise! — must put aside their bad blood to stop a [pick a random former Soviet State] military commander from starting WWIII when he gets his hands on some launch codes. It’s very John le Carré meets John Woo. In the third installment, Streep will be replaced with Michelle Yeoh due to scheduling conflicts. Close and Yeoh will be two former allies who find themselves on opposite sides of a mutual terrorist threat due to politics (they eventually get their act to together and save the day). Joan Allen shows up for a badass cameo.

- Is it too late to make a Monster Squad sequel?

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