My sister is about to do something really, really stupid. And it's scaring me.
I've talked about my family on here before, but for anyone who missed it: ultra-conservative Christians, abusive father, victimized mother. My sister is part of a sect of Christianity that's conservative enough I feel comfortable calling it a batshit crazy cult.
Like me (since we're from the same messed up family), she hasn't always made the smartest dating decisions. The last guy she dated was almost 20 years older than her and known as abusive even in her ultra-conservative group of friends. Well, the new guy isn't a whole lot better: he is 30, she's 23, and he's from Scotland and they met on some Christian dating site. They met in person for two weeks in October, and they're already planning to get married. In February. In Scotland. I've been engaged for a year, and my sister is planning to get married within 6 months of my wedding (incidentally, the date she mentioned is one day after my birthday too) in another country. She messaged me last weekend to tell me that, so sorry, she's not going to be in my wedding anymore, and she hopes I can make it to hers. Except, I'm paying for my wedding, so how am I supposed to afford to go to Scotland?
I'm kind of angry that she's doing this because of the way it's affecting me, because it's fucking selfish and unfair. But more than that, I'm super worried about her. She barely knows this guy. She got fired from her job for taking so much time off work to be with him (she's going to Scotland to see him this month, then coming home and immediately going back in February I guess). And this guy isn't the greatest. He stayed with my parents while he was here in October and decided, having barely met my parents, that it was appropriate for him to tell my mom she was "a bad wife" for thinking about leaving my dad. Remember, my dad is abusive and raped my mom for 25 years. My mom called me in tears when this happened and I was so angry I called the dude and told him he owed my mom an apology and did he realize my dad is a rapist? He said, and I quote, "It depends on how you define rape. I don't think it's possible for someone to be raped when they're married." !!!!!!!!!!! I responded by telling him it's nice to know my sister's marrying someone who condones rape. He called me a "women's libber" (which title I proudly wear!)
Sigh. I responded to my sister's email by saying I didn't think I could make her wedding, but I'm here for her if she ever needs anything, and she shouldn't hesitate to call me. I really hope she's okay.
Thanks for listening, guys. I just needed to get that off my chest.
P.S. funny side story though, my mom texted me yesterday calling herself a "flaming feminist" and saying if she goes to my sister's wedding she's going to wear a dress called the Cold Shoulder which is a) black, because she's going to be in mourning, and b) low cut with open shoulders. I think as sad as this whole thing is, in a way it might be good for my mom, because my sister was kind of the last thing keeping my mom from leaving my dad.