UPDATE - so I posted this and then got kind of yanked out of the house for 17 hours “babysitting” said friend through a lot of emotional rollercoasters, but thank you all for your suggestions and I think they are great (including the petty revenge-focused ones). Today the challenge is that we want her to stay away from their mutual friends because we are worried they might not be very supportive/judgment-free since she is kind of a mess and is going to have like half a glass of wine and start blubbering, but we can only do so much because she is DYING to get everyone on her “side” (oh lord). Tomorrow, we are moving her ass outta there. Luckily one of our neighbors is offering a huge basement to her for storage, and taking care of her giant, hyper-active dog while she is in limbo!

My husband offered her a job that works with her school schedule (she has worked for him before so this is not out of the blue), so I think that was a big relief, too.

I am a little worried that us bossing her around is maybe not the right move but she’s like, NOT functioning and there are all these logistical things that need to happen quickly so I feel like...I dunno, ask for forgiveness later?? I know that if it were me I’d need someone to take control.

Happy Turkey Day, and as always, thank you all for your great ideas.

YESTERDAY:

My friend just broke up with her BF of several years yesterday (with whom she lives) because she found out he was sexting someone she knows. She thought about it and said, “if that’s the extent of it, we can try to work on things” and he was like “nah bitch I’m out” so clearly he was just trying to sabotage things. He had been supporting her while she had gone back to school too, so she has little money and is going to have to couch surf until a friend’s spare room (who will let her stay for free) opens up in January. She is also frantically reaching out to get bartending shifts (which won’t be hard for her but not like she’s going to have enough money to live off of right away).

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She’s at (his) home this morning packing and “hyperventilating” as she puts it - I offered to go over and watch her hyperventilate if she wanted company but she doesn’t. However I am taking her to lunch in a little while. I’ve been through breakups but not recently and not where I had to uproot my life suddenly. If you can think of anything else I can offer to do to help (so I don’t have to ask her), I’m all ears.

Luckily the ex bf is out of town for several days so she has time to get packed up and everything - whenever that happens I’ll be sure to help her move (since she doesn’t have a car). I am so mad at that piece of shit BF of hers I could murder him.