It's been nearly a year since my (former) friend raped me while we were on vacation together. Some days I feel really strong and like I've moved past it. Then other days the shock and reality and disgust come crashing down on me and I feel so defeated. Today has been one of those days.
I've been having really intense, negative reactions to being touched. I used to love being touched. Fuck him so much for taking that from me. I used to hug people when I met them if it seemed like they were huggy, too. Now I can't even stand to have family members touch me. Like, my dad put his hand on my shoulder and I instinctively recoiled. It's fucking terrible.
I'm sorry to be leaning on the support and kindness of this community yet again as I work through what happened, it's just that I'm in a new country and I don't have anyone here I'm close enough to that I'd feel comfortable confiding or discussing this. And I can't really handle friends' reactions when I tell them, anyway. Will y'all please post pics/gifs of baby animals and other adorable things? I really need something to make me smile.