I hope you guys don't think I'm a grump. I think I'm generally pretty sunshiney, actually. However, certain things just set me off. Included in those things is pseudoscience. A day does not go by without another person on my facebook declaring that they are "gluten intolerant" and they know because they "read it on a blog." I'm not talking about medically diagnosed suffered of celiac disease here. If I see one more goddamned paleo brownie on instagram accompanied by preachy paleo-ness, I'm gonna have a fit.

Anyway, this post is hilarious:

All you want to do is eat a little healthier. Really. Maybe get some of that Activa probiotic yogurt or something. So you look around and start researching what “healthier” means.

That really skinny old scientist dude says anything from an animal will give you cancer. But a super-ripped 60 year old with a best-selling diet book says eat more butter with your crispy T-Bone and you’ll be just fine as long as you stay away from grains. Great abs beat out the PhD so you end up hanging out on a forum where everyone eats green apples and red meat and talks about how functional and badass parkour is.

You learn that basically, if you ignore civilization and Mark Knopfler music, the last 10,000 years of human development has been one big societal and nutritional cock-up and wheat is entirely to blame. What we all need to do is eat like cave-people.

TEEHEEHEE

and

Even though The Inuit Diet™ is high in Vitamin D, you learn that every disease anywhere can be traced to a lack of Vitamin D (you read that on a blog post) so you start to supplement. 5000 IU of Vitamin D before sitting in the tanning booth for an hour does wonders for your hair luster.

Maxing out your credit line on seal liver forces you to continue your internet education in healthy eating. As you read more you begin to understand that grains are fine but before you eat them you must prepare them in the traditional way: by long soaking in the light of a new moon with a mix of mineral water and the strained lacto-fermented tears of a virgin.

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I'll stop quoting but if you're grumpy about diet trends like moi it's worth a read, but be careful or you might pee yourself laughing*.

*not saying I did. Not saying I didn't.