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Illustration for article titled REAL GROUPTHINK CONFESSIONS

Secretly I am a 17 year old boy named Wesley. I like GI Joes, boobs, movies made by Wes Anderson and large blocks of cheese. My mom is Pistachraspberrysnark and she's the worst. She grounded me for a week for peeing in her Azaleas. She spends most of her days, smoking, drinking gin and complaining about traffic patterns. My dad is Big Gay Owl. He says he has to work all the time because it's tax season but I think he is avoiding my mom and having an affair. He never wants to hang out. I hate him. I'm going to take out my rage on the gym even though it's 11:25 at night. Watch my parents try to stop me. I'll take them out. The only one who I remotely like is Redwriter, who really is my stinky 15 year old younger sister. She's ok even if she takes life too seriously.



Ps. Sailor Jupiter is my cat. I don't know how she got online. I might have taken some bad acid.

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