So this just happened.
Come home and the internet is down. Looks like the router is unresponsive (no lights) and if I were to guess I'd blame pixel-kitty. Aka irisa the destroyer of cables. Shown in this image destroying something else. But I haven't found proof yet. She just burped at me, do you think thats a confession?
Considering I walked out of the supermarket with tears in my eyes. Im dealing with this pretty well. I've accepted today.
I think feminism is breaking me though. Before I knew what I knew now and I was jus One Of The Guys, stuff like the past week didn't affect me like the past weeks have done. The lack of understanding and outrage leaves me with such sad rage that I can't let go for more than a few hours.
I just want to let go of this boulder in my stomach, this heaviness that leaves my constantly sighing for no reason (people notice too, I sigh loudly). I don't want to admit to the big D, but I do realize that I haven't started feeling much better yet. I greatly prefer sleeping over being awake and responding to my friends group messages feels harder and harder. Although there are many great developments in my life (yay new job!) Yet I constantly feel somber. And I can't explain that to anyone. That although I'm intellectually happy about things, although I giggle at silly animals, that pit in my stomach doesn't move. Some things help me forget, such as boyfriends shenanigans, watching a good show or working, but it helps me forget for minutes or hours at most. Then I remember I'm such a drag.
Time for a deep breath and a bath and a mantra of 'things are great, let them make you happy'.