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I’ve been absent lately, but even so, noticed that EmmerdoesNOTrepresentme’s THREE GOOD THINGS have taken a sabbatical, too? I’ve looked for it. Am I missing something? Sad! Bad! Okay... Here are my 3 things.


1.) Overheard from 3 feet away in Florida at a State (skate!) Park. 5 roughly 10~13 year old boys, obviously local, climbing a Mangrove that was off limits, meaning the wrong side of a decked walkway: “DUDE! DUDE! JIMMY! QUIT BEING LIKE BOOTS FROM DORA AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!” We had to hide our laughter like you have to do with a naughty kid. So funny. We used this on each other for the rest of our trip. Yes, I know, but there was no way in hell we were going to tell them not to climb their Mangrove Trees....

2.) At one of our hotels, outside: Waiting for a bathroom; only me in line. Knock; gently check handle but door locked; wait. 2 minutes go by which is a long time when you have to pee. Unsure if I got it right, I knock gently again & stealth check the doorknob.

All of a sudden, a BIG MAN comes over to the door. Starts knocking on it shouting terms of endearment in Spanish while apologizing to me. I thought he was talking to his wife, and I’m saying to him, “No! It’s okay! Really, it’s okay!” I was so afraid I had caused a bad dynamic.

Nope. His super sweet daughter, bean pole thin, roughly 13 years old (which is the age where your lady body goes nuts) comes out finally. Her Dad flushed her out. Big Dad Man gives me a smile & I smile back:) As they’re walking away I hear her say to him, “DAD!! I had to take a crap!”


No joke. She had to take a crap. What caused that poor baby darlin’ to stay in the bathroom was one of those fucked up automatic flush toilets. She couldn’t figure out how to trip the flush again. THIS IS A TEEN AGED GIRLS WORST NIGHTMARE!! Worst nightmare.

What I saw had no business coming out of a teenage body....I cracked the fuck up & simultaneously ached for her. I flashed my fully clothed butt above the toilet seat, and the censor read my butt, and flushed.


When I came out, she was looking at me. I gave her a silent 2 thumbs up. She smiled.

3.) Missed my dawgs. Apparently, they missed me, too. Tonight, Mookie left me a Special Puke, and Wally gave me his favorite furry mess nap time on my bed. I’ve allowed them in my bed since Sunday & we make a snuggley triple, so my fault. Dawgs...


WHAT ARE YOUR THINGS??? Any Things......xoxo (thanks, EmmDNRM)

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