Because what is Saturday night kinja without a little relationship TMI thrown in?
Basically, as I’ve kind of obliquely mentioned on here a few times, I’ve been seeing a Tinder dude (in once sense or another) since roughly November. It started out as a real fwb thing. I don’t do hookups very easly, so it was nice to have a casual thing on hand with an attractive guy. Basically we would see each other roughly once a week. Sometimes we would go out to eat first, but mostly we would hang out at his apartment. Were both super busy so I think we both liked it being lowkey.
Sometime around late January/early February , we agreed to be exclusive. We were both still busy and stressed with other stuff and I’m moving in June but I was kind of like, why not go for it? I presumed also that the pace of things would also pick up a bit.
Instead, the opposite happened. To be fair, he’d been traveling a bunch and I also went away for a week in March, but we actually slipped from seeing each other every week to every two-three weeks. And basically, it’s all just been him picking me up to go back to his place.
We are currently in the longest stretch yet of not seeing each other (basically a month, because I was traveling, than he was.) We hadn’t even texted much, and I was coming to terms with the fact that I didn’t even really miss him that much.
Then all of a sudden, I get a text from him this morning: he’s back in town and wants to see if he could pick me up im 30 min to go back to his place to “hang out.”
And honestly, I was pretty pissed, even though I didn’t show it. Because 1-no I’m not going to drop what I was doing this afternoon for you. And 2-I feel like that kind of text is one thing when we were seeing each other a lot. It’s another, when we haven’t talked for a week or seen each other in 4 weeks. Am I being totally irrational for being a bit hurt about this? I mean, it is kind of a pattern we had previously established, but I’d like to a LITTLE bit of effort to show that this is not just a booty call for him. (And again, booty calls are fine, but I thought we were sort of technically in a relationship? Right now it feels like all of the restrictions of a relationship with not too many of the perks.)
A few other things, and then I’ll end this massive word vomit post. I tend to be a pretty easygoing type b sort of person, just naturally. I’m generally GENUINELY flexible about plans and doing stuff, and I worry that I have a tendency to get myself into situations where guys take advantage of that. I am also a people pleaser to an UNHEALTHY degree. The hardest thing about dating for me is expressing something that I know is gonna make a person unhappy/upset with me.
Next, I’m honestly getting pretty bored with the sex. He is very VERY vanilla, and I’m well, not. That said, physically he has a great body and I don’t often have a regular source of sex so that’s all been a nice thing.
Finally I’m leaving in 2 months, and we’ve already discussed that things will probably all come to a close then anyway. In the meantime I’m going to be very busy, so I’m not even sure how much more frequently I’d be able to see him anyway.
So, if anyone is still reading at this point:
What do I do here?
Do I a. Take the path of least resistance, avoid uncomfortable conversations, and just appreciate the occasional sex with an attractive guy?
B. Say fuck it and break it off with him totally? Like I said, at this point I’m not getting much out of this besides the sex, and the sex is NOT that good these days.
C. Be an adult and have the uncomfortable conversation about how this is all making feel insecure and a little shitty? While this is undeniably the most mature option, it’s not a conversation that I’m looking forward to. Also, when I’m already so stressed in life, is it worth putting that much emotional energy into this?
D. Fuck it and get drunk. Also eat ice cream and plan My life as a lady who lives alone with 4 dogs, 6 cats and 2 alpacas. (Because buzzfeed told me today that 1 alpaca living alone gets lonely and depressed, and the last thing I need in my life is an existentially depressed alpaca.)
I await your thoughts, two people who are still reading.