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Relationship open thread

I need some relationship advice so I’m going to start a post for everyone to share about their relationships - the good, the bad, the ugly. Romantic, non-romantic whatever. I’ll start.

The good: my boyfriend of almost 5 years (gah, when did we get so old?!) is the most amazing person I’ve ever met. This week alone, he made me an amazing Valentine’s Day dinner and dessert and basically treated me like a princess the whole time, took care of me while I was sick, and got on board with my idea to possibly move to Europe next year when my company opens new offices. He is like if somebody built the perfect boyfriend but also made them quirky in my unique way and gave him all my values. Seriously, I cannot stress how much I adore this guy.


The not so great: I would say one of our biggest difficulties since we’ve moved in together (into a smallish 1-bedroom apartment) has been our different levels of organization. I will totally cop to being a disgustingly messy person sometimes, but I am extremely organized. I have always had a place for everything and I know where pretty much everything I own is at all times. My purse and my passports and my chargers and basically anything I would need at any given time are always in the exact same place. I swear, I don’t think I’ve actually lost a significant item since the time I accidentally left my brother’s game boy in the back of an airplane seat pocket when I was 13 and I still feel guilty about that sometimes. I am also anal to a fault about taking care of things. Like I was super excited when we got a cast iron pan but I basically refuse to use it because I’ve seen too many videos about how to properly care for your cast iron pan and now it seems like too much work and I’m too afraid to mess it up.

My boyfriend is... slightly less anal than I am. We’ve hit some speed bumps along the way that have led to good compromises (like my“extremely important please only put very very very important things in this drawer and otherwise never touch it or remove anything from it” drawer). And while he is an amazing communicator and I totally trust him to respect my feelings and work towards solutions that work for both of us, I also need to learn to let some things go. Like this past week, when he made me an amazing Valentine’s day dinner (again, he is amazing) he used our new Kitchenaid mixer and despite saying about 10 times that it was not dishwasher safe, he thought I meant the bowl only and ended up putting the whisk in the dishwasher. Which yes, is super frustrating, but he has apologized and I know he felt super bad about it and a replacement whisk looks like it’s like $10 on Amazon if we need to replace it at all and again this is because he was making me an amazing Valentine’s day dinner(!), but I just can not stop feeling sad about my brand new Kitchenaid mixer. Or the boxes of chargers and headphones that I painstakingly put together because I can not stand not being able to find chargers or headphones and we have twenty of each, which got lost when he was re-organizing the closets (in an attempt to be more organized and know where everything is! have I mentioned how wonderful he is?)


So anyways I just have all of these anxious frustrated feelings and I think I need to develop some coping mechanisms. Because I am the girl who checks that her passport is still in her special passport compartment in her purse about every 30 seconds when I’m flying, even though, where else would it be, you saw it 30 seconds ago and you have done literally nothing in that time. And it is just driving me crazy to not have total control over where our things are all the time but I know that is part of living with another person and things get lost sometimes and I have to learn to live with it.

So GT, have any of you been through anything like this? Any suggestions for coping skills for this particular anxiety? (And then I can start unpacking my 20 million other anxieties, but this seems like a good start. Mental health is fun!)

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