I share this because so many GTrs deal with depression, have SOs with depression, stress from school, etc. So, Mr GV has a history of bouts of depression and we've both acknowledged it's happening again and has been for a year or so. Twice I've asked him to do something about it and nothing happened. Last night I brought it up again. More forcefully. Not really something I wanted to do, but untreated depression is part of what killed my marriage and I don't want Babydaddy 2: Electric Boogaloo.
What ended up happening was that he (appropriately) aired a bunch of stuff that's been building and it was all stuff that would be helped by seeing a therapist. I get that it feels like one more thing to add to his to-do list, but it will kill our relationship. He got close to telling me what's difficult about living with me, which is something I really need to hear because it's hard to have an equal partnership when one person isn't willing to ask for what they need. I honestly wish I could have Babydaddy talk with him about that. Maybe I'll ask him myself. Maybe that's doing Mr GV's work for him. D'oh!
We're both caretakers, which both sucks and is great. For my part, I need to stop protecting him from having to deal with change, but he needs a therapist to help him learn that skill. I need to stop taking on his feelings and try to back up and stop at empathy (problem-solving seems ok, too). I also need to figure out if there's anything I can do so that he will stop treating me like I'm fragile, stop doing so much caretaking. I think there might be a Discussion: Part 2 tonight, but less uncomfortable, more logistics. I may end up taking a contracted position that would be one of the last steps in getting licensed in my field, but the site is almost two hours away and I think I'd have to move and I know he doesn't feel like he could move with me (the logistics for his school stuff are pretty much deal breakers for that). I'm hoping to get a foot in the door with a site that would be less than an hour away, but I think I'm a slam dunk for the other one.
The last thing I did was ask him why he has stayed. He couldn't put it into words, but it got me thinking, too. That's something else I want to re-visit.
Depression will kill a relationship. If you or your partner is depressed and not addressing it you've pretty much set a countdown timer for disappointment, feelings of rejection and abandonment, and eventual resentment. The only way out is doing something different and that is THE hardest thing to do when you're depressed.