Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery
This is a platform for User Generated Content. G/O Media assumes no liability for content posted by Kinja users to this platform.

Relationships are Hard (Update)

Update: Thank you so much to everyone who replied! I started to try to respond to everyone but then I started getting weepy at work over how supportive everyone was. I know that no matter what happens with my marriage I have my own things to work through, so my first step is going to be to get myself into counseling. For some reason, needing counseling has always been another one of those things that I viewed as a failure in myself even though I think it's great for everyone else. We played our normal "act like everything is just fine" on the phone this afternoon and I'm ok with letting that stand until he's at home again.

tl;dr - How do you decide when a relationship just isn't worth it anymore?

I've been married for almost 7 years. We only knew each other for about 8 months before we got engaged, and were only engaged for 8 months before we got married. We are each the other's first and only serious relationship. As I write that all out, I am giving myself some serious "WTF???", but at the time, we just "knew" we were meant to be together. I admitted to myself within the first few years that if we hadn't gotten married as quickly as we did, we never would have gotten married. But since we were married, it seemed like I had a responsibility to make things work, even if they would have been dealbreakers otherwise. More and more lately I'm wondering why we're still together - and I can't come up with a good answer.


His job has him on the road all but 4-5 days a month, so we're on the phone a lot. So much of the time we spend talking is him complaining about one thing or another. None of it is ever his fault - everyone at the company he works for is stupid, his parents screwed up raising him, etc, etc, ad nauseum. I got frustrated with it last night when he was going on about how his parents screwed him up and told him that he's an adult now. Today I'm getting the silent treatment - he's not answering his phone or texts, and he turned his location off so that I can't tell where he is. When he does decide he wants to talk again he's not going to want or allow a discussion, I'm just going to be expected to listen to him vent until he's done, otherwise, I'm the bad guy.

We suck at communicating, and that's as much me as it is him. I am super conflict-avoidant so I just shove everything down and pretend like everything is perfect. We can't do any kind of counseling or therapy because he's never in town on a weekday. I'm so tired of all the negativity. I don't really want to be divorced, but right now I don't really want to be married either.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter