In my family we have this.. Tradition (for want of a better word). At christmas we write a poem or story for the other family members. These usually revolve around the gift we bought and often bring up the past year.
This year while I’m writing them I find myself a bit more emotional than usual. The last year has been tumultuous to say the least. A year ago I was living with my ex and quite unhappy. Since then I’ve lived in several different places, for days, weeks or months. I’ve gone through every emotion I could imagine. I visited (republic of) Korea & Japan (and went snowboarding for the first time ever and went to Berlin again). I’ve gotten into several accidents but came out just fine. My dad had prostate surgery and is doing great. My mom broke her foot (this is, strangely, not unusual) but remained the same positive self. My brother became the official CEO of his company (this used to be a shared thing, now it isn’t).
This past year feels like it contained.. decades. Last years christmas feels like it was just so long ago. I’d just had my first break with my ex but we had gotten back together and were working on things. I often felt like I was drowning in some undefined sorrow. If I compare my christmas this year I feel free, happy and hopeful. I’m cheerful about most things, even on my bad days. Today, all of us are healthy and happy. My job is going really really well. I have lots of friends who I can count on for anything. I have a HOME. The best home! (And I think I’m even in the beginning stages of a relationship of sorts, if I dare admit it.. A kind one too.)
Every time I try to write, I get misty eyed. About how my father was there for me this year. We had such a rocky relationship for so long (he was an alcoholic for most my life) but he was just there for me this year. At the drop of a hat. Every time. Whenever I needed it.
Or about my moms caring yet carefree nature despite all she’s been through. The beauty and pleasure she sees in things.
Or my brothers accomplishments after how hard he had to fight to get to this point.
Well, it’s just hard not to feel emotional.. And hard to find the words to continue. (Do I mention how hard the relationship with my dad was, or do I leave it out and focus on the present? Do I make another joke about my mom’s frail bones or do I leave it out?)
Naturally I wanted to share these feelings with GT. Because this place was a true safety net and I’ve shared so many things here. Why not a post of hope and reflection. So I ask you;
How are you doing? How has your year been? How do you feel now, compared to this point last year? Whatever you wish to share, you can do it here :)
Sorry if I’ve been a bit quiet lately. I’ve been around and reading, but just too busy to post. I wonder how you all are :)