Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery

Did anyone see this Dear Prudie yet?

Basically, the LW borrowed an heirloom baby bed/ bassinet to a friend, with the expectation/ agreement that once the baby outgrew it, she’d get it back.


Unfortunately (and tragically!), the tiny died.

Due to the family’s religious beliefs, all the child’s possessions are set to be burned, and the LW asked if it’s ok to get the baby bed back, before it too is burned, because it was handmade by HER now-passed grandfather.


Help me to understand this, GT, because i don’t come from any kind of tradition where this could even BE a thing.


I can TOTALLY understand never wanting to see this bassinet again—because that pain would be horrendous.

But in MY head—THIS IS NOT MY PROPERTY, and therefore IS NOT mine to burn.... I’d want it OUT of my house, of course, and would NEVER want to see it again.... but i just CAN’T understand the concept of burning something that was not MINE to burn—ESPECIALLY if i’d made a promise to give it back.


And since the child’s parents never DO have to see it again—because it belongs to the LW—it doesn’t seem to me like that should be a problem.

Do any of y’all have experience with a tradition like this, who could perhaps shed some light on how your family would handle this kind of situation? (I know from a conversation with an acquaintance, that in HER Italian family, the bed of a person who has died is gotten RID of, and a new bed purchased, but i believe in this situation, the bed would just be returned to the owner, with an offer to pay for a replacement.)


I mean, if this were NOT an heirloom which was impossible to replace, i’d say, “Let her pay the cost*, and sell it to her. Easy-Peasy!

But, again, this can’t BE replaced. The LW’s now dead Grandfather made it...

Do YOU think Prudie blew this call, too?

*eta—or even better—give it to her as a gift (no need to profit from a tragedy!)

Share This Story

Get our newsletter