I enjoy my new job, but I feel way over my head. I am also having trouble focusing. Recent life events have disrupted all my usual coping skills (meditation, excercise, etc) and anxiety is getting the best of me. On a good day, it takes so much to control it. It’s always a fight to keep it at bay without meds, but I am pretty good at it even though it’s exhausting. I am brutally organized, meditate, and excercise to exhaustion when needed. All my routines are fucked up though. I have been over whelmed. I am too far under to get back on track. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist to talk meds next week and I am scared, but hopeful.

The last time I felt this, many years ago, I opted out of meds because I was trying to get pregnant. I snapped the other day and realized there is no reason to fight so hard every day to ward off irrational anxiety. I am so tired. I have been silly not to just take some kind of medicine.

I just have to hang in there. I am new, so some ramp up time is expected. I don’t think anyone has noticed how slow I am catching on in my new role (yet). I am beating myself up though. I have gone from being great at what I do to sort of floundering. It’s hard.

Anyone who has taken meds (I assume I will get an anti-depressant) have any advice about how to hang in there? Will it turn off the stupid voice in my head that shouts worst case scenarios at me all day? I feel like I just have to make it through until I get a nice vacation at Christmas.