Puppy gif for your troubles and also a visual representation of me floundering at improving my resume.

Is there anyone here in HR who would be willing to review my resume and give super honest brutal feedback? I’m usually a very good writer, but when it comes to talking about myself and my accomplishments I just get all blocked up and have zero inspiration or objectivity. My resume feels really bland and flat to me but I actually have zero idea how to make it better. I’ve been obsessively reading Ask A Manager and trying to put all her advice into practice, but see above about losing all inspiration and objectivity.

I am looking specifically for a job in HR. Entry level, HR Assistant, HR Admin, I dunno. Something in that vein. I need a foot in the door into HR so I can learn and get experience and get certified, and I just have this feeling that my resume is really dragging me down right now.

Anyone to help poor little me?