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Richard Dawkins, Kindly Shut The Fuck Up

And absolutely stop talking about what types of rape are "bad" and what types are "worse."




I was already pretty stabby when reading, but I all but lost my shit when I "learned" stranger rape at knifepoint is worse than date rape. Perhaps in your personal experience of both, your rape at knifepoint was worse. Oh, you haven't experienced either? I'm really glad for you. Really, I am. Rape is something nobody should have to experience. I have, however, experienced some really horrific date rape. Shit, I'm so angry that I'm being honest with myself.

You see, Mr Dawkins, comments like yours are what taught me to brush off what happened as no big deal. Yeah, you know what? I really overreacted to someone I trusted in MY HOME NOT to stick their penis inside of me while I was asleep. Nevermind that I HAD told him "no" earlier that evening when he tried to take me into my bedroom. (Another aside, Mr Dawkins...the fact that I didn't kick him out? That doesn't actually make it my fault, either. He stopped when I said "no," and I thought he was respecting that...not that he was simply biding his time.)


I try not to let myself compare my own rape experiences. That's not fair to me. Sure, the first one was more "violent." There was more force, more holding down, more struggle. That sounds at least a bit scary, doesn't it? I can assure you it was terrifying. But this one, the one in my home while I was sleeping...why, that was practically gentle! He waited until I wouldn't know, until I was asleep. He didn't have a plan for what he'd do when I woke up (which I did!) but I'm sure he was thinking of my feelings when he started. What a nice fucking guy, right?

Sure, my flashbacks (which are rare all these years over) tend to be from the other one. But this one? I have had to deal with so many more PTSD triggers working it out. It's been twelve years, and I still have some lingering triggers that are on the level of "shut it down, nope, go home." It's not fair, as I said, to compare how bad one was to the other, but this less bad rape, boy. It very much affects my sex life today.


Rating experiences of sexual violence starts a slippery slope of judgment. "Well, it was only date rape, shouldn't you be over it by now?"

As if the blame we place on ourselves wasn't enough. Go fuck yourself.

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