Anyone feeling overly sensitive lately?

Wedding industrial complex got me like:

In Yosemite last week, I hired a prominent, very talented photographer to take engagement pictures for me and Bonernator.

For someone who’s pretty camera-shy, PDA-averse and ranks “touch” at the bottom of her list of love languages (“good thing you booked an engagement shoot then,” snarked my mother), I had a great time.

Bonernator took to it almost immediately and was practically voguing like a fucking model. Photog was great at getting me to open up by making me laugh (so much so that I probably look like a witch in most of the pics) and making me do ridiculous poses (“now boop noses! BOOP FOREHEADS!”). It was a good experience overall.

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The problem is that gosh-darned social media. *shakes fist*

Photog is pretty active on Facebook and Instagram, and will share one photo from every shoot he does. Usually pretty sappy and effusive in that wedding-industry way. Usually gorgeous close-ups of beautiful people embracing. “X and Y, so deeply in love in the beautiful light of the California sunset,” “X and Y, this couple was probably the sweetest one I’ve ever met, so honored when people like this put their love on display.”

For us, a super zoomed-out shot, caption mostly referencing the rock formation in the background.

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I don’t hold it against Photog. He’s a very skilled, friendly person who was amazing at his job. Who has the energy to write out all that stuff about every single client he works with? But this just isn’t the first time that I’ve been made to feel that my relationship dynamic is different or wrong somehow.

I didn’t cry when I got engaged. I don’t like to be overly kissy and cuddly in public, to the point where my uncles accused us of having a “brother/sister” kind of relationship. I don’t gush. The engagement photo poses (nuzzling his back, the aforementioned booping) didn’t come naturally to me because we don’t do them.

But I love Bonernator. I’ve wanted to marry him practically the whole time we’ve been together. I know that. He knows that. This is just the way I am. Anything else would just feel fake to me.

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I guess I’ve just never thought about how weird it is to be an empath. Someone who absorbs so much energy like a sponge but puts almost nothing out that people can easily perceive.