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Well, it finally happened. My mustache grew from the size that it was amusing to look at to a size that was distracting to be kissed by, so in consideration of the woman I am seeing I am shaving it off.

Illustration for article titled RIP my mustache

I knew this day was coming. There were certain foods I had to avoid because it was getting in my mustache (nachos, whipped cream on coffee) and sooner or later it would get in the way of my kissing. Truth be told, I seem to do better with women when I sport a 'stache, because with it I carry myself with an I-don't-give-a-shit attitude that serves me well. I had this mustache while I was wooing my current paramour, so I will be forever grateful to this mustache. But now that it is in the way, it is time to retire it.

I can always grow another mustache, but I can never regrow this mustache, so I would appreciate it if we all shared a moment of silence for my lost facial hair. [tries to be strong, but everyone can see the tears in Penabler's eyes]

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