So there's this man I am CRAZY about. He's everything I want. However he lives in the city I moved from two years ago.

We've been talking pretty consistently and have decided that we would like to try to date each other, and then if it works out maybe one of us moves to be with the other.


He's extremely emotionally walled off. As am I. We have talked about our tendency to do this, and how it's effected our past relationships. We've really opened up to each other.

I feel like i'm really breaking down a lot of my barriers and he is too.... but then some weekends it feels like he isn't. Like he's falling into old patterns. (Getting really drunk, and hanging out with his friends (totally fine) but then being hungover all the next day and not wanting to talk to anyone (including me, not so awesome).

He says he wants to come see me and that it will be a surprise. He likes to be spontaneous which I so admire as a super virgo control freak who can't even fathom not knowing when he's going to show up - although I'm still pretty jazzed (which goes to show how much I like him).

I'm rambling - my problem with all of this is I need clear cut action. I need him to come here. And not just "whenever". I want to feel like a priority. I haven't been dating and have been actively turning down dates with pretty nice dudes because this faraway guy MIGHT be coming soon. It feels ridiculous.


But when I get too "girlfriendy"* on him he shuts down.


*my word not his, he's never said anything like it, he's too gentlemanly too haha