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Roommate stories Vol. 1, Her?

My friend recommended Ann as a roommate, she was young and shy and had rent money so I approved her to live in the 3rd bedroom. Our house was small but full of people. 2 in my room, 2 in the second bedroom and now Ann (as well as so many couch surfers, so many, always)


So at first Ann is shy and normal(ish) but then friendly neighbor dude comes over to meet the new mate and smokes her out. She goes from hippie to trippy in no time flat and she also becomes super horny like cat in heat horny and she is literally trying to sex up everyone in the house. Like "Hi, I'm Ann let's fuck" which is skeeving out everyone and also I am concerned that she may not be able to give consent because I am a good human so I put the kibosh on her sexy time plan and put her to bed. I then let it be known far and wide that no one smokes out Ann, never. I have few rules in the house but this one. Of course people smoke her out all the time because Lulz and there was no internet. So she is constantly waking up my couch surfing friends with her face 1 inch from their face and then saying "let's fuck"

I am bi and was then and I am horny beyond horny and I wouldn't touch her for anything, she dries up my lady business like no business.


So I go on vacation, back north to see my folks. I am fucking terrified to leave my home with my degenerate roommates (one pays his rent in quarters stolen from arcades that he boosts, he does not exchange the quarters for bills!!!)

*****story interjection**** A woman just walked by my house singing the Monkees theme song loud and proud******************************


So I hire another degenerate telling him he can live in my room for a month and I will pay him money if the house doesn't catch on fire, my cats live and my stuff in my room isn't fucked with. (he's a meth addict I would later date, for years)

So I'm back home with my boyfriend and my girlfriend calls from my house down south and she says "Cheerful, you cat is okay, I want you to know that"


Me: *tears* WTF!!! Ann it's Ann, what did Ann do

"she shaved your cat cheerful, a lot"

Me: The fuck you say?? *more tears*

***Ann gets on phone***

cheerful I guess I did something I shouldn't have.

I then have one of the strangest conversations that was ever conversated wherein Ann explains that the cat isn't "mine" because people can't own animals because nature and Jerry garcia. And I tell her FUCK YOU a lot. She tells me the cat "asked" to be shaved and I tell her to give the muther fuckin phone back to my girlfriend before I kill her with my mind.


GF tells me that what happened was she got high (natch) and then some skate punks were sleeping all over the living room and she offered them sexy sex and they said "if you shave your head" So she shaved her head and my cat and the skate punks left, no sexy sex was had.

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