Welcome To The Bitchery
Welcome To The Bitchery
This is a platform for User Generated Content. G/O Media assumes no liability for content posted by Kinja users to this platform.

Sand Sack: Evening Edition.

I kinda feel like I'm on Baywatch: Nights! Here's the morning edition.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled Sand Sack: Evening Edition.

Joey Fatone's getting a divorce. They've been married since 2004, dating in 1994, and have two kids—12 and 3. They've been living apart since Feb. Rumor is he cheated bunches during dancing with the stars and she'd had it. I'm sad about this. I've always loved Joey and he seemed like a nice goofball. Oh, how I long for innocent rollercoastering shark-head days.

Advertisement

Illustration for article titled Sand Sack: Evening Edition.
Advertisement

In happier news, Jessica Simpson's kids look exactly what you think they look like: blonde toddler and bald baby. My ovaries are cold, but they seem cute. You be the judge. She also says:

Pregnancy is a lot. It was hard to do two so close together...I have this huge sense of accomplishment, and I feel in my heart that I'm done. But obviously, accidents do happen!

Advertisement

They named him Ace. I forget if she's married or dating that guy. I forget his name as well. Sorry.


Advertisement

In happiest news, they're making a Luther movie! It's gonna be a prequel though. I'd explain why, but it'd spoil series 3. If you want it spoiled, go and read this. If you want to see Idris approved Luther fan art, go and read this. If you want me to marry Idris Elba and have 5 kids and live happily ever after, please tweet him that. (No, really, don't though...our love must be kept secret otherwise my other boyfriend Levar Burton would get mad.).


Illustration for article titled Sand Sack: Evening Edition.
Advertisement

I've never been a TayTaySwiffer fan, but I think this is pretty cool. She seems happy. Maybe her craziness is overblown? I don't think I could be a pic with my ex, but good for her.


This image was lost some time after publication.
This image was lost some time after publication.
Advertisement

So, remember when Beyonce's dad/manager (Mathew Knowles) had a baby with a lady who wasn't his wife and Beyonce fired him, Tina divorced him, and I dunno what Solange did? He hasn't been paying child support. Alexsandra Wright has been supporting her 3 year old son by herself and has released a letter to the Knowles family. She writes:

It is with a heavy heart we must head back to Superior Court to continue the fight for the rights of my son Nixon Knowles, who has proven to be Mathew Knowles’ biological son. My family and I have exhausted every non-legal avenue to urge Mathew to be a responsible father and to follow the stipulated judgment we reached together, which was approved by California’s Superior Court...I regret the pain that I have contributed to his family and to my own family. I have the utmost respect and admiration for both of his daughters – they are both lovely women. I also regret the pain that this situation has caused his ex-wife, Tina, and very much wish one day I will get the opportunity to tell her personally.

Advertisement

I understand some babies aren't planned (ask me about my family sometime), but this shit's crazy. You make a baby, you help pay for baby. That's it.


Illustration for article titled Sand Sack: Evening Edition.
Advertisement

Premiered July 15 and cancelled August 28th (I think this may be longer than Magic's talk show?). This works out well though. She'll have all that extra time to manage Khloe's divorce and come up with new shows. And can we talk about that show's set? What was that?!


Here are some odds and ends

  • Leah Remini, Snooki, and Christina Milian will be on Dancing with the Stars. Careful, Leah. I don't wanna see Kirstie Alley be all Tanya Harding to your Nancy Kerrigan.
  • Bon Jovi kicked Richie out 'cuz of drugs!
  • Timbaland is doing a "duet" with Michael Jackson. Le sigh.
  • Eva from ANTM is pregnant!
  • And I'm tired of twerking. So, I'm gonna skip over the objectionable parts of this story. Did you know Lil Twist does more than crash cars?
  • Has anyone seen House of Lies? I like it, dunno about you, and now Mekhi Phifer will be on it.
  • One of the 1D dudes is getting married. She was on X-Factor. He was on X-Factor. I will continue to hope that Justin and Kelly can work it out.
  • Harry Connick Jr. may be the next American Idol judge.

And if you're a masochist, here's the theme from Baywatch: Nights. A note to the young: back in the day, theme songs summarized shows for you. It was a good time.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter