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Seasonal Driving Tips

Illustration for article titled Seasonal Driving Tips

1. Narrow country lanes with no passing places? Slow down, friend.

2. Dark, and no street lights? Ease off the gas.

3. Foggy? That solid fog that bounces your lights back at you? Dip your headlights and focus on the passenger-side edge of the road. This is where your lights are pointing so will be best illuminated. Your peripheral vision is better at picking up lights and movement of anything coming towards you anyway. Because they will also be lit up like a Christmas tree, because it’s fucking foggy. Oh, and slow the fuck down.


4. DO NOT stop to pick up any miserable women wafting about in white dresses. Have you learned nothing from the Winchesters?

5. Pissing it down? Flooded roads? Ease off the gas, don’t brake suddenly. Remember that if you drive through the flood on one side only, your steering wheel will pull towards the water. Be ready to counter this. Or aim (slowly!) for the middle and keep a constant speed. Shouting “wheeeeeeeeee!” is optional, but if the puddle is a lot deeper than you thought then “Holy fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!” is also appropriate.


6. All of the above? Better hope for Nance to show up

There are dozens of long-distance lorry drivers and some motorists who are happy to admit seeing `Nance` during their journey from Malton to York. She is a youngish woman who appears just on the edge of their headlights and travels with them practically all the way to the city, but only during fog. The legend concerning the ghost, if that is what the mysterious figure is, tell of how she became engaged to the driver of a mail coach, but was lured away by romantic stories of a local highway man. Eventually the thief deserted her with a baby, and her former lover found the couple standing on the side of the road. Despite his care and tenderness, Nance and the child died.


This post brought to you by “what the FUCK was I thinking going out there?!”

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