I have a friend who is teaching himself photography and offered to do my headshots for free. I, being broke as a joke, jumped at the chance because I need new headshots and I like his portfolio. I spent a week preparing for this shoot: learning how to do skin treatments, how to do hair treatments, figuring out what clothes to wear and how to apply my own makeup. I watch so many fucking boring hair tutorials and read up on so many product reviews. The night before I do a deep conditioning and I set my hair. It took three fucking hours. I hade to sleep with two scarves and a headband as well as several bobby-pins, which ultimately meant that I didn't fucking sleep because I have no idea how to sleep with shit in my hair. The shoot went well for the most part, despite the cloudy day~ it took a while because my friend is new, but he and I were both trying to work shit out and we did it pretty well. But you know what didn't work out? THE FUCKING FUCK SHIT OF HAIR ON THE TOP OF MY FUCKING HEAD.

I'm transitioning now, which means that my hair is two different textures. Both textures are pretty in their own way, but putting them together makes me want to rip both of them out of my head. And then buy a nicki-minaj wig. A pink one.

There's waaayyyy too much schrinkage-my hair is a lot longer than that in real life. It frizzes in the wrong places. The silhouette is all wrong. I tried to do my usual part, but with these styled curls it looks like a weird mound on my head. I've got two fucking shirley-temple antennas on the front and no hair on the side and frizz on the crown. We couldn't even shoot on the other side of my face because my hair looks so fucking gross there those shots were a waste. We worked so hard and my fucking hair ruined everything, and I probably can't use any of these photos and I feel so bad for ruining them. I want to hire someone who knows what the fuck they're doing with my hair, but I can't because I have no money. Fuck this. Fuck this shit with a spatula. I hate my hair.

I know it's impossible, just want to look like chocolate Merida :(