So, while I am emotionally devastated by my divorce, I also see it taking a definite physical toll. I have massive insomnia, even with medication. This lack of sleep, plus the stress, has certainly shown up on my face. I look like I have aged at least 3 years, plus breakouts. It’s awful.

It’s especially frustrating to look like crap when I am also suffering from a huge deficit in my self-esteem. Having your partner of 12 years find someone new 3 weeks after you separate, and for that person to be your complete opposite in so many ways, is a huge mind-fuck. I already felt wholly inadequate on multiple levels without the havoc wreaked on my face. I feel very small and insignificant, and scared to even interact with most of the world because I feel so broken and useless right now. I have almost zero confidence in myself, or my ability to ever be secure or functional in any future relationship.

I also have no interest in food, really. I have lost almost 10 pounds and I haven’t even been trying. Anxiety just gives me low-level nausea most of the time, which kills my appetite. This means that I have also been eating like crap when I do eat, which also doesn’t help with the skin and overall look of health.

So what did I do yesterday? Spent a shit ton of money on a laser for my face (the Tria Age-Defying one). At least Sephora had 15% off yesterday, so that kind of helped. But if I can’t sleep or eat my way to happy skin, I am going to fucking laser my way to glowy/dewy skin. I will keep you all informed of the results and whether it was worth it.

I know that there are other, cheaper, better, ways to boost self-esteem, but I am starting with the skin. Maybe later I’ll meditate, do yoga, or go back to the gym. But if I can’t take a shortcut to not feeling fucking heartbroken, then I’m taking shortcuts on this self-improvement thing where I can.