So. My MiL died today. We think it was today- she was found dead in her home today, so that’s the date going on the DC.

My husband is devastated, but won’t let on. He won’t let me help much, and I feel useless. I am a goddamn Funeral Director and he won’t let me help him and in the midst of being sad, I’m a little pissed off. What the fuck is the point of knowing an industry as labyrinthine and archaic as funeral service if your loved ones don’t want your help navigating it?

She had chosen direct cremation a long, long time ago- so he doesn’t have to/doesn’t really want to choose caskets and look at cemeteries but has decided on having an ID view. The FD in the state she passed in has tried to get him to verbally consent to embalming and he waivered a little on the phone. I finally yanked it out of his hands and asked who I was speaking to and the FD told me that I needed to get my husband to agree to embalming if he wanted a visitation. I told this dick I was also a funeral director and we didn’t want a visitation or embalming just an ID view and he could bather her and set her features and nothing the fuck else or I’d come up there and do it my fucking self. He seemed relieved I took care of that, but lashed out anyway. I’m going to let it go- fuck, his mom died.

The one thing that is sticking on me, and it is viciously, terribly horribly selfish and awful. I recently finished knitting her a blanket. It is a huge, cable bedspread size blanket. I put easily 400 hours of work into it. I had not gotten it to her yet, but she knew about it (it was for her birthday coming up in a few months) I told him to give it to her brother/his uncle (who was super close to her and was the person who found her body) I said somebody should get some use and enjoyment out of it. BoyHeathen wants to cremate her with it. Of course I said yes, sure anything. But I don’t want that to happen. And I feel like a giant flaming piece of shot for even thinkig that.