On the advice of several very wise GT'ers, I took my Clarisonic back to Sephora. Their return policy is RIDICULOUSLY good, you guise. I bought the thing at the beginning of October, yo! But, they took it back and the lady was much smilier after I told her I appreciate how helpful they've been and that I'll continue spending a lot of money with them.
Of course, I couldn't leave without shopping some more. They had trial/travel sizes of Tokyo Milk's Dark perfume, AND that Clinique Almost Lipstick in Black Honey, which another salesperson tried to talk me out of, but dude, it looks GOOD on me. There were also trial/travel sizes bottles of Josie Maran Argan oil, so I bought that shit, too.
I'm on a lifelong quest to find the perfect products that will make my life easier and I won't have to keep buying crap I don't end up liking. So far I've settled on Suave's line of Moroccan oil hair products (DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!), Secret deodorant, Crest toothpaste, and Revlon Colorstay 24 Hour liquid makeup for greaseball faces.
Also, thanks to Wocka, I also picked up a bottle of evening primrose oil. Upon reading the back of the bottle, it says it's got GLA, a precursor to prostaglandin, which is a hormone that has been giving me a crapload of trouble lately. I researched it some more, and apparently in large doses, it causes cramps and can help induce labor. In fact, the first Google search result was about shoving it up your berginer to induce baby squeezes, but fortunately the panic subsided as I scrolled down. In small doses, it actually helps reduce the pain from the cramps, so two birds, one stone! Of course, then I saw how big the pills are and I may be more comfortable shoving them in my berginer after all. (It's not that I can't say vagina, I just like saying berginer more.)
I also grabbed a tube of St. Ives Apricot Scrub with salicylic acid last night and used it this morning. It was a pretty nostalgic feeling, I won't lie. My skin felt pretty awesome afterward. I used it for years and at this point I don't even really care if it helps, I just want to scrub my damn skin off my damn face. I also got to the gym twice this weekend, so I feel pretty good about that. I'm working on the whole drinking more water. Baby steps, you guys, baby steps.
I really hope I have goodish skin some day. In the meantime, I'm taking steps to take better care of myself.