Ugh. I was just a massive bitch to him. He's trying to get everything ready for tomorrow and I oscillate back and forth between extreme apathy and extreme anger. One minute I have no fucks to give about this stupid fucking holiday. The next, I want to scream at him and his mom for expecting me to be okay thru this. He keeps telling me this is a train and there's no stopping it at this point. So I told him "I'm sick of sacrificing my well being for everyone else. You should know this is too much for me but once again I'm the one sucking it up to make everyone else happy." Because he really fucking should have known. I dread hosting this stupid fucking holiday every year. And I don't know if you've noticed this about me but I don't handle stress well. But once again he picks making his family happy over my well being. And I'm so hateful and angry at everyone right now that I don't want to deal with screaming kids and too many presents, and adults that don't act like fucking adults. I want to be drunk and belligerent and tell them all how I really feel about their asshole selves. Merry fucking Xmas to me.