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I woke up this morning in a bad mood. I don't know why. Baby Haa slept 8 hours straight again but after I put her back down I only meant to sleep for an hour then get up and shower, pump, get breakfast. Well instead I overslept and didn't wake up until almost quarter to 10. My husband said "well you obviously needed the sleep." but it still stresses me out, like my whole day is thrown now. Even though I had nothing planned today anyways. And I just feel so negative about the pumping. I was able to do 3 breast milk bottles yesterday but by the end of the day I'm so worn out and she won't take my breast she usually ends up with a formula bottle or two. I had to go out and buy another canister of formula and I felt so defeated. I never called back and took the appointment that opened up because Mr. Haa has already taken so much time off work this week for various appointments I didn't want to ask him again. I feel guilty about skipping it now.

I don't think this pumping is working out guys. I feel like my milk production is staying exactly the same. Which isn't quite enough. I'm thinking I should go back to trying to nurse her exclusively and pump after to stimulate production. I don't know. I'm running out of time for this. I go back to work December 4th and I have this sinking feeling that I'm going to be pretty dependent on formula. This sucks. My mom is coming for the first part of next week so I won't be alone with her but on the downside I have to be with my mom. She hasn't been the most helpful in making me feel like a competent parent. She always undermines me. She babysat and I had a list of things I wanted her to do with Baby Haa and almost everything she had an excuse about not wanting to do it the way I asked. So I'm not looking forward to that.

I'm taking Baby Haa over to the pediatrician to do a weight check and I'm really nervous. I hope she's gaining weight you guys. I would love it if she was up to 10 pounds but I just have a feeling that's not realistic. She's just skinny. I will update you guys on what happens.

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