Have you set boundaries with people lately? How did it go?
Some of you may recall that I’ve had some pretty terrible experiences in my dance community over the past few years. I helped organize a bunch of events and was constantly taken advantage of. This year, I put the brakes on big time, either stepping away completely from some events or being minimally involved in others.
With one such event, the director just hasn’t understood that I’m not going to run his event (which is basically what i did in the past). I decided that I would do the schedule, because there are so many moving parts to this event and it would be literally impossible for anyone else to do it. But otherwise - they are on their own.
In the past with this event, many of the other “main team” organizers have been super flaky, not showing up for meetings, doing shit last minute, etc. Everyear, there’s a “retreat” where the event gets planned...which is basically an excuse for the event director to get super drunk and party at a Chalet on the event’s dime (cause you can write it off as a business expense!) while 2 or 3 of us that actually make the whole thing work try to get some real shit done while they play loud music and drink and are obnoxious, I was literally like a nagging Mom last year telling people to turn the music down because I was trying to get work done. While on my way to work today, I realized how much of a fucking hassle it would be to go this weekend (it’s 1,5 hours away...) so I told them today that:
1) I would not be able to attend the meeting, but could Skype in on Saturday
2) I would not be at the event on Friday, and that I would be busy for most of the Saturday so THEY would have to find other people to do my old job on the floor (i.e. not me, I don’t have time to recruit people which I made clear).
People have become accustomed to me picking up the pieces when other people flake out and when I back off from being overloaded, people get super pissed. This happened at an event this past summer where I had a breakdown during the event and even though I had put in place another dude to help out, when I wasn’t able to be there on the last day (because of said breakdown) they didn’t use or inform him and just piled it on to the one other person who’s plate was too full (because she’s best friends with the main organizer and the main organizer is unable to trust people who aren’t her friends...) and just got mad at me and called me unprofessional behind my back. Even though I had made plans in case this happened. Back then I was hurt, now my attitude is squarely : “FUCK.ALL.OF.YOU”..
I anticipate getting backlash for this, but I’m done with these people who call me their friend because they want to be able to take advantage. These people are not my friends. Friends aren’t that horrible to one another. I’m done.
I am both super impressed with myself for setting boundaries and super anxious about how it will play out. But I’m glad I stuck to my original plans.
Have you set boundaries lately? How did it go?
Or talk about anything, it is an open thread!