So, I was discussing cat names with Princess Fluffybutt on Facebook, like you do, in reference to her keeping the kitty. She mentioned she wanted to go with a Shakespearean name and the following absurd and delightful exchange took place. Well, it's delightful if you like Shakespeare and cat names. Otherwise, YMMV.
TW: I kind of mention the donkey "rape" in Midsummer Night's Dream. I mean, Titania consents, but she's also on drugs, so I don't know what else to call it.
That's a pretty cool cat name
Me: Siren and Titus sounds good together, imo
PFB: it does!
Me: Cats, I feel, are certainly capable of tricking one into eating their own relatives, also
PFB: i 100% believe this to be true
Me: Oberon? Is he fairy like? Would he let you be raped by a donkey?
PFB: I think he'd let me be raped by a donkey, yes
Me: Keep an eye on that kitty...Kent?
PFB: i'm kind of liking Titus. but i want to keep thinking
my favorite play is The Winter's Tale but I don't want to name him Leontes.
cuz Leontes is a fucking asshole
Me: Good fucking call! Sebastian is fun!
Just no Prospero. That guy was a DICK
PFB: so many dicks in Shakespeare lol
Me: SHYLOCK. Please name your cat SHYLOCK. Siren and Shylock?!
SHYLOCK IS COMPLEX. LIKE A CAT! I mean, you could always go with Mercutio, obvs, Prince of Cats and all
PFB: nah. too easy
i'm thinking Sebastian
Me: BUT SEBASTIAN IS NOT CALLED A "DOG" by Ventitians! IRONY
PFB: SO MUCH IRONY
ME: Actually, Sebastian DOES just waltz in one day, marry the lady of the manor and make himself the fuck at home
ME: He kinda did that with you and Siren, amirite?!Now you just gotta hope he doesn't have a twin dressed like a boy waiting in the park for you
PFB: i wouldn't put it past him
Me: Siren and Sebastian… Siren and Shylock…. They're both fun to say… Siren and Titus… I have to go with the S, now that I got you on board
At least Sebastian gets a happy ending
PFB: true lol
Shylock... not so much... Titus, definitely fucking not
PFB: lol i know
ME: Perhaps best not to doom the little creature, eh?I like how carefully we're considering the options
WE SHOULD WRITE A PAPER
PFB: on what?
ME: Shakespearean Names Appropriate for Cats
AN ANNOTATED HISTORY AND GUIDE
ME: "Want your cat to end up feeding you your dead relatives? TITUS is the name for you!"
Does your cat hoard shit and enrage others merely by existing? Your cat is a SHYLOCK
Cat is a hilarious alcoholic? FALSTAFF
Megalomaniac insecure about his own manhood? MACBETH
PFB: cat walk into your home like he owns the place and proceed to woo your other cat? SEBASTIAN
ME: Warning: Sebastian cats often come with cross-dressed siblings
Cat is a killjoy who never wants to let you get it on with a significant other? MALVOLIO
Does your kitty enjoy the task of conquering most of France? HENRY V
Others you can think of as apt for kitties, GT?
TL; DR – Shakespeare is a treasure trove for cat names.