So, I was discussing cat names with Princess Fluffybutt on Facebook, like you do, in reference to her keeping the kitty. She mentioned she wanted to go with a Shakespearean name and the following absurd and delightful exchange took place. Well, it's delightful if you like Shakespeare and cat names. Otherwise, YMMV.

TW: I kind of mention the donkey "rape" in Midsummer Night's Dream. I mean, Titania consents, but she's also on drugs, so I don't know what else to call it.

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Me: Titus?

PFB: OMG

maybe!!!!!

That's a pretty cool cat name

Me: Siren and Titus sounds good together, imo

PFB: it does!

Me: Cats, I feel, are certainly capable of tricking one into eating their own relatives, also

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PFB: i 100% believe this to be true

Me: Oberon? Is he fairy like? Would he let you be raped by a donkey?

PFB: I think he'd let me be raped by a donkey, yes

Me: Keep an eye on that kitty...Kent?

PFB: i'm kind of liking Titus. but i want to keep thinking

my favorite play is The Winter's Tale but I don't want to name him Leontes.

cuz Leontes is a fucking asshole

Sebastian?

Me: Good fucking call! Sebastian is fun!

Just no Prospero. That guy was a DICK

PFB: so many dicks in Shakespeare lol

Me: SHYLOCK. Please name your cat SHYLOCK. Siren and Shylock?!

SHYLOCK IS COMPLEX. LIKE A CAT! I mean, you could always go with Mercutio, obvs, Prince of Cats and all

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PFB: nah. too easy

i'm thinking Sebastian

Me: BUT SEBASTIAN IS NOT CALLED A "DOG" by Ventitians! IRONY

PFB: SO MUCH IRONY

ME: Actually, Sebastian DOES just waltz in one day, marry the lady of the manor and make himself the fuck at home

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SO

PFB: EXACTLY

ME: He kinda did that with you and Siren, amirite?!Now you just gotta hope he doesn't have a twin dressed like a boy waiting in the park for you

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PFB: i wouldn't put it past him

Me: Siren and Sebastian… Siren and Shylock…. They're both fun to say… Siren and Titus… I have to go with the S, now that I got you on board

At least Sebastian gets a happy ending

PFB: true lol

Shylock... not so much... Titus, definitely fucking not

PFB: lol i know

ME: Perhaps best not to doom the little creature, eh?I like how carefully we're considering the options

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WE SHOULD WRITE A PAPER

PFB: on what?

ME: Shakespearean Names Appropriate for Cats

DUH

AN ANNOTATED HISTORY AND GUIDE

PFB: PERFECT

ME: "Want your cat to end up feeding you your dead relatives? TITUS is the name for you!"

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Does your cat hoard shit and enrage others merely by existing? Your cat is a SHYLOCK

Cat is a hilarious alcoholic? FALSTAFF

Megalomaniac insecure about his own manhood? MACBETH

PFB: cat walk into your home like he owns the place and proceed to woo your other cat? SEBASTIAN

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ME: Warning: Sebastian cats often come with cross-dressed siblings

Cat is a killjoy who never wants to let you get it on with a significant other? MALVOLIO

Does your kitty enjoy the task of conquering most of France? HENRY V

Others you can think of as apt for kitties, GT?

TL; DR – Shakespeare is a treasure trove for cat names.