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Sheer vanity: how can I learn to pose for pictures?

I just, like, cannot smile without it being weird. I cannot make a pout face. I cannot make a serious face without looking just vacant.

Before I get married next month, I want to not be completely the worst at this. I am always the worst!

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This is my library of facial expressions:

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I think Javier Bardem makes the most appearances.

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