This voice in my head is screaming shouting at me that I am worthless and stupid and nothing but a fuck-up. Because all I ever do is fuck-up and I don't deserve my dream job because I'm just going to screw everything up anyway.
I don't even know rationally if this is not true. I can't believe anything good about myself right now because I just feel...like the biggest waste of space.
I had a panic attack in the elevator as I left. My body seized with the force if my fighting back the tears and the panic and trying to hold it together. Everything hurt. I almost threw up but that would just add to all the other ways I fucked up today so I didn't.
I used to he able to cope or maybe I always thought I was coping and wasn't. Noe I am in the dark trying not to beat myself up and failing miserably. But I need to say this because I feel like I'll just breakdown completely if I don't. How pathetic.
I find it hard to like myself on my best days. Right now, I find it hard to keep from hating myself completely.