My old student feminist group, which I helped set up, but never became a senior member of (my own choice), has a problem.
Basically, some white guy posted a return of kings article and the age old 'I just want to know what you thiiiiiiiink' bullshit, along with the demand that we didn't 'debate', we just explained things to him. Then the President, and the founding member, told him to try not to post stuff from that source, as it was all misogynistic rubbish. All the other baby feminists kindly and patiently explained to him why the article was crap. He thanked them, then lectured the president on how she shouldn't have dismissed him and how it was that kind of feminism that put boys off.
I am in a foul PMS mood so quickly responded with:
'I think people also need to remember that it is not the responsibility of feminists to educate or gently guide men into feminism. If individual feminists are happy to, great, and I'm really glad people here were happy to do that. But I think it's kind of rude for men to come here and demand that we explain very simple concepts to them and dictate how we should phrase ourselves when doing that. [You were] clearly aware that the source would not be popular here, yet posted it anyway, but by immediately coming in with 'I'm not looking for a debate' he was actually doing something known as tone-policing, i.e, he was telling us not to be angry but to patiently educate instead, thereby telling us how to act within our own community. If that turns men away from feminism, then I'm sorry, but a big part of feminism is learning some pretty harsh lessons - there's been lots of times where I've felt attacked or hurt or irritated, but they've all been pretty important lessons for me. Criticism directed at [President' for not being nice enough is exactly why feminists resent having to explain feminism 101 to men - it's pretty exhausting. You don't learn anything by insisting people only say nice things to you.'
Obviously then a big debate errupted over his hurt manfeels and about how I blamed all men yadda yadda....
AND THE BABY FEMINISTS ARE FUCKING JOINING IN. And now the exec are like 'we're going to review our guidelines.'
Am I taking crazy pills? I haven't personally insulted him, I haven't used slurs, I have told him to leave the group or take the post down. Why is an actual feminist group changing the way it does things to satisfy a man stamping his foot?
Oh, right, Durham University, that's why.
Fucking hell. I need a private island.