So I’m going to set the stage and I fully admit I have a tendency to come off as cold and unfeeling but I also think I’m just less dramatic then my sterotypical Italian inlaws.
Geekgirl: Beloved GTer, 32F, childfree doesn’t like kids but can handle them in small doses
Geekhusband: my super nerdy, wonderful husband, 32M, really doesn’t like kids and screaming kids stress him out
SIL1: Geekboy’s oldest sister 51F, two boys in college and 6 year old daughter that she frankly resents for being a surprise
SIL2: Geekboys other sister 41F, 7 year old daughter, and an infant son
MIL and FIL: 70s, Brooklyn Italian, MIL desperate to make everyone happy, FIL typical of his generation lets his wife handle the emotional labor.
My SIL’s can be a lot and I really need to vent. SIL1 and SIL2 always have had a lot of drama and codependency between them. They will fight, then SIL1 will call their mother, then SIL2 will call their mother, rinse and repeat. They assumed that when Geekboy and I got married, I would be a doormat SIL who would be super involved in the family drama. I was just being quiet and polite until Geekboy told me I didn’t have to be. Both of my SIL’s are super involved moms. Okay great! If you have kids that’s probably a good thing. But they seem to be super resentful I’m not Super-Aunt and like volunteering to babysit. If it was a situation like when FIL needed his chemo and they needed to be at the hospital absolutely I would be there. But no I’m never going to be the aunt that volunteers to take the kids for the day. This makes me a bad person in their eyes.
So during our engagement I was able to pick up some at home contract work related to my profession and it basically paid for our wedding. Again super sweet gig I could do for an hour or two at night a few nights, and spend a few hours on the weekends all at home. I was talking about the wedding with my MIL and during the discussion I mentioned about my 3k commission check (it was in context that I had more money to play around with than I thought). 10 minutes after I get off the phone with her, SIL2 calls and asking how I got this gig and is there a way I can bring her in and she’s totally a fast learner and it’s not like my job is that hard. SIL1 did more of the martyr, poor me, stuck in retail because I stayed home with my kids for 15 years and it’s too bad I can’t pick anything up like that.
SIL1 really got me though this December. Normally we have little to say to one and other (nothing in common+age gap) so I don’t even think she has my cell number. So I get a Facebook message about how disappointed she is we’re not coming to Christmas. I say I do appreciate the invite, but husband and I opted to do married Christmas at home alone this year, he’s been stressed this is the best plan for us, and it was Geekhusbands choice. It then delved into paragraphs about how sad it was we’d rather be home alone than with family and it’s clearly because we don’t like her, and staying home alone on Christmas is sad and pathetic. Bitch seriously? My husband is going through a lot, so I will admit I got snotty in my response. I told her that I don’t like or dislike her, she’s not important enough to be on my radar, my husband and I are doing what’s best for him and her desperate need to Keep up with the Joneses is why she can’t understand our life and why we would choose to have a cozy Christmas at home. Oh and I threw in her face how she’s older than my mother because I know her age is one of her buttons (I fully admit this was a bitchy ageist thing to do, but come at my man and I go for the throat, I did apologize for that remark).
Geekboy can’t stand his sisters, I can’t handle them, has anyone maintained a relationship with just parents and not siblings successfully? We’ll see them at big functions but I think we’ll keep visits with his parents just the 4 of us for awhile. Its been so many small petty things,over the years the above are just some that have been on my mind lately.