So, I have four siblings, not all full. Although some are step, we all call each other just brother or sister. My (step-)sister (let’s call her Marie) is younger than me, but she’s not youngest (my other sister is, let’s call her Selene). Marie has two beautiful daughters, lovely girls I completely adore. She’s been with the father of her youngest, Lily, for over 5 years now, her older daughter, Ana, calls him dad, and when they had Lily, he was over the moon about it. But they broke up over a year ago, struggled to co-parent, dated other people, then got back together about six or eight months ago.

Last week, they went to Hawaii, and after the trip, sister posted photos to facebook. One series of photos shows them getting married on the beach. She was wearing a lovely mermaid-ish gown, the girls were ring-bearers, and it was all very nice. But that was how I (and the rest of my siblings) found out she got married. By seeing on facebook. I’m not sure if that’s also how my stepmom (her mom) found out, but I’m confident that is how her father found out. She’s not close with her dad.

I was kind of upset that she didn’t tell me in person—even a text. But I thought about it and I think she didn’t tell anyone—beforehand or otherwise—because most of the family hasn’t been super supportive about her relationship with this guy. I personally think he’s an ok dude, and he clearly cares about both his daughters, even though he’s not the oldest one’s father. But saying he’s an ok dude isn’t exactly a ringing endorsement. And I like him the most out of everyone else in the family. Stepmom and Selene don’t like him. Selene stopped talking with Marie about their relationship because Selene would get mad that Marie wouldn’t just break up with the guy and be done about it. Stepmom has told Marie before that he’s abusive (I don’t think he is; neither does Marie), Stepmom and the guy have clashed before when Stepmom stayed with them.

On the other hand, good for her for just doing her. She wanted to marry this man, and she did. She didn’t make a big deal out of it, she just did it her way. It suits her personality to elope in Hawaii with just her daughters there. To just do it and not tell anyone, then announce it via facebook. I love her, and want her to be happy. So today, I’m going to try and find a card and small gift to send to her. I don’t get the impression many others will be doing the same, certainly not any of my other siblings. But I want her to know that I support her.