Welcome To The Bitchery

Sixteen years ago today

Missus chritter and I stood up in front of our rent-a-rabbi, family and friends and promised to…

Well, actually I have no idea what we promised to do, because the fucking ceremony was in fucking ARAMAIC. And my Aramaic is a bit rusty, to say the least. I was shown a written contract and told I would be receiving her worth in goats. I'm still waiting for my goats. GIVE ME MY DAMN GOATS.

But it's proved a boon, because whenever I lose an argument (as I usually do), I can glower and claim the marriage is invalid because I NEVER GOT MY GOATS.

Anyway, it's been a great ride. I sometimes hear people say things like "Marriage is hard," and I kind of think "Marriage is more like your days spent with the most interesting person you know who you love to be around. Which isn't all that hard, truly. In fact, the opposite of hard."

I still feel cheated about the goats, though.


Share This Story

Get our newsletter