You know something is very wrong when you’re wandering around [STORE NAME REDACTED], trying not to cry.
I went shopping for work clothes today. Everything this season is SO DAMN UGLY! It’s not anything body related-in fact, I was quite pleased with my numerical sizing (was not happy with the petite section selections). It’s just that everything looked ridiculous. It’s perpetually summer here, why the Hell are they selling wool, maroon (fuck that color), and itchy, over-sized sweaters? What’s wrong with having a petite section in every store? WHY IS THE ONLY SEMI-DECENT MALL 8 MILES AWAY FROM MY PLACE OF RESIDENCE?
I feel so lame because my limited wardrobe is so drab. I know no one will judge me on my lack of fashion at work...but even there I’m either perpetually anxious or completely worn out. It’s really isolating to boot. Don’t get me wrong, I love it there-its just, like, lonely. Plus I’m always on edge because I don’t want to mess anything up.
I couldn’t make it to the grocery store, and I don’t have time for the farmers markets anymore. I guess the added altered mental state of it being ‘that time of the month’ isn’t helping.
I am so grateful to have my job, and I want to do the best I can. I’ve only been there three days (tomorrow will be my fourth), and I just want to curl up into a ball and cry.
I guess it boils down to me feeling like I’m bound to fail, because I’m new, and I’m just so anxious. I don’t want to give much away about the job-like, everyone is super nice, even if they’re just walking by my area and saying hi-and I’m not complaining. I guess I’m having an ‘off’ day.
At least they washed my car at the mall, and everything I got was on sale. That was nice.