No biggie, you say? Oh, you simple, simple folk.

It's one of those fucking tickle coughs where you don't really feel sick but you sound like you have a serious case of TB or the cough of a man who has smoked for 150 years.

Nothing will stop it. It fucks with you by hiding away for a time. Just because, or because you're distracted doing something else. Like dancing in the bathroom. Or eating an entire pizza.*

You take cough suppressants. Nothing. Then some Nyquil. Nothing. Finally you take some Melatonin to knock your ass out. Nothing. Then you take a bunch of Vicodin, because if you're going to be hacking up a lung, you might as well enjoy a body high.


Everyone....people who love you, people who hate you, strangers, coworkers, your cat. They look at you like they feel a little bad because you have a cough but mostly want to stab you a million times with a dull knife just so you will shut the fuck up.

IT ALWAYS GET WORSE AT NIGHT. Because of course who cares about sleeping.

Fuck you, tickle cough.

* I do neither of these things.