Because I'm seriously considering hooking back up with a former date/casual manfriend/FWB despite the fact that a) he's an alcoholic b) he's constitutionally incapable of anything more than casual manfriend and I really want something more and c) he has fucking multiple myeloma and his prognosis is bleak.

The pros:

1) we've been friends for 10 years, despite (because?) of two separate phases of dating/casual manfriending/FWB-ing;

2) I actually do kind of love him, the way I love my dearest friends. I will be fucking devastated if (when) he dies. So my feelings are strong;

3) He was good in the sack, at least before the cancer.

The cons:

1) he's insanely fucked up about relationships;

2) I've gained 60 pounds since the last time we got busy and the thought of getting naked with anyone is horrifying;

3) he's insanely fucked up about relationships.

4) he's dying. Maybe not tomorrow, but way, way before me.

So. I'm a moron.