It was a really lovely breakup, you guize. I feel like my years of therapy (and the fact that I spent 5 days panicking/meditating on it) helped.
I brought over snacks I pilfered from a gig I’d done earlier that day. We talked like normal adults about shit and basically came to the conclusion that his commitment issues and my abandonment issues feed off each other. I asked him if he thought his issues could be worked out with me- he gotta do it *sometime,* after all. He said he had so msh other overwhelming things going on he didn’t think he was ready.
I started sobbing. He held me. We ended up fucking for the last time. I cried the whole time. We came together.
It was a beautiful relationship, guys. It really was. He never told me he loved me but I felt it from the things he did. From the way he looked at me.
I feel like shit, guys. I loved him. He was so so good to me. So many of the other people I dated seemed ashamed of me, but he showed me off. He talked me up. He made me feel wanted and safe. This year was shit but I figured I had him, he had me and that was it.
Now it’s like “what do I have here?” My life is so unstable and i’m so unhappy but I can’t leave.